For those who don’t know, The Tao of Steve is an excellent movie. Go watch. In short, it revolves around this guy who has developed a three step system for getting women to sleep with him. It’s surprisingly simple and, by all estimation, very effective.
- Be desireless. Essentially, don’t lust after the woman you want, just hang out with her.
- Be excellent. Whatever you do well, do it in front of her.
- Be gone. “We pursue that which retreats from us.”
I’ve yet to meet someone, male or female, who wont admit that it is probably a sound plan. Ironically, in the movie (spoiler alert: skip the paragraph if you don’t want a really vague suggestion of the rest of the movie), the protagonist decides that he doesn’t want to live by the Tao anymore. Earlier in the movie, though, he tries to convince a fellow character that the Tao isn’t about getting laid (that is a side effect), but rather about being a good person. I think he was right.
I think the Tao of Steve is a fundamentally sound way to live your life, and not just a way to attract women (though it probably does that too). Lets look at the steps:
- Be desireless. Buddhists and Catholics agree, being overly desirous is bad for you. This prohibition not only keeps you from lusting, but combats our society’s tendency to objectify others. If you are treating everyone like a friend, you aren’t treating them like a (insert your preferred derogatory term here). I’m reminded of the core advice from a great book, The Holy Man, which predates the dime-a-dozen tiny self-help books fad. “Treat everyone you meet as if they were a holy man.” (On a distantly related note, this is an interesting story about groping.)
- Be excellent. Take your skills, your job, whatever you do, and excel at it. This is basically just telling you to work at self improvement. Hard to argue with that.
- Be gone. For a long time I thought this was the weak point of this argument. It’s basically playing hard to get, isn’t it? Nope! This is a prohibition on resting on your laurels. You shouldn’t sit around doing nothing, basking in the glory of your previously acquired excellence. Nor should you stop looking for new experiences. (If this restlessness results in retreating from some people, thats okay).
Maybe it is a bit of a loose argument, but I love the simplicity of the Tao. If nothing else, it’s not a bad way to relate to members of the opposite sex, so long as you don’t abuse it. After all, if you can take all the potential self-destructive energy that relationships can stir up, and redirect it into being a better, more successful person (while having more romantic success), that has to be a good thing.